Lauren Spencer
“Manic Monday”
Ah! What a crazy day! That sounds absolutely awful. I thought you did a great job writing a sequence of events that happened to you. It flowed nicely and went well from one bad thing to the next. The only thing I would suggest would be to add a little more emotion. As a reader, I think it would be awesome if I could feel as frustrated as you were just by simply reading your paper. You did a great job overall describing a series of events in relation to corporate America.
“Music and Dancing”
I thought you had an interesting take on this topic. I really enjoyed how you incorporated and used music examples from today that portray female sexuality. I thought that added to the effectiveness of your paper and your argument. You have a few grammar errors, such as needed commas, in a few places, so be sure to be aware of that in future writing. Also, this was a bit choppy with lots of short sentences, so maybe try to break it up a little by doing long and short sentences. Overall, great job, I really enjoyed reading this post! J
Darien Allen
“Cars . . . or Weapons of No- so-Mass Destruction?”
GREAT introduction! You really drew me in as a reader right from the beginning. I thought you did a good job making the point that you were trying to. I enjoyed how you used a personal experience from your life to enhance the argument you were making. I do not really have any suggestions for this post to better it; I felt you did a wonderful job. J
“Popular Music”
This is a good summary about popular music today. I would have liked to have seen you take more of a stand or create an argument to stand by, such as its effects, whether negative of positive. I think what you wrote could be used as a good gateway into a paper about corporate America’s influence on popular music. Everything looked good to me grammatically, I think it would have been interesting to hear you expand just a bit more.
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